Two quiet people dating
I used to have a friend who’d say, “Dating is nothing but a numbers game.” She believed that going on more dates was equivalent to a higher likelihood of falling in love. However well-intentioned it may be, it flies in the face of a major factor essential to an introvert’s well-being—alone time. So yes, you will have times when sitting across from another human being, you’ll feel you’d rather pull out your molars without Novocaine than think of another word to say to this person. I feared if I declined, I would be passing up on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You will have days when unexpected issues arise at work, your cat gets sick, a family member calls with an emergency, or a friend emails with the last-minute favor to which you have to say yes because they helped you out last week.
It might sound pretty reasonable when you first hear it except for the fact that it’s utter bullshit. It took me years of dating before I finally started ignoring this type of “practical” advice. For introverts, first dates are minefields of small talk and mindless chatter. if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one to hear it, would this date be just as bad? As a result, I spent the following weekend on the couch, exhausted, spiraling down the rabbit hole of a bad television binge, barely able to peek around the door when the delivery guy dropped off my take-out. If you have a date scheduled that evening and you just can’t go, so be it.
We’d had a fine-enough time noshing Thai food in a trendy downtown restaurant.
For one, it’s exhausting for us to constantly put ourselves out there.
Add to that our dislike of forced socializing, penchant for quiet, and strong need for meaningful interaction, and finding a partner can feel downright impossible.
I can’t speak for every “quiet one,” but here are nine secrets about dating an introvert, based on my experiences and the experiences of introverts I interviewed for my book.
Many introverts are intensely interested in meaning. Some of my favorite “dates” were not actually dates at all, but simply times when the stars seemed to align and I made an authentic connection.
Usually any attempts at this ended in me mumbling some small talk, then giving up.
If you know you’re dealing with an introvert, don’t discount our subtle signals.
You could find someone to sit across from at the breakfast table while reading your own newspapers, Kindles, novels, or whatever.
And proximity without talking is THE DREAM, you guys. And yes, dates are the necessary vehicle that will get you to this connection.