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We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked (lovingly and subjectively) on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist.Dating is the same—we've reached critical mass, and that critical mass is critical on getting their mass touched. Anyway, with the act of dating living solely on a mobile platform, the dating app reigns supreme. Hey, gotta quench that thirst somehow—what's that famous Mother Teresa quote?The key is weeding out those that are just looking for you to join a cam site or something like that.This site is a free dating site deovoted to the idea that great dates start with great online chat.Of course you have to do some screening, but if you put some effort into this you can find some incredible hookups!

What's more sexy than finding sex on a sex-free app? We support our prior statement that "Luxy is a dating app for giant rich douches," but we generally hope that everyone on Luxy loses all their money in a Ponzi scheme. You're set up on a foursome with a friend and two anonymous people and are told to go into a restaurant until sparks fly. Grindr actually predates Tinder by three years and absolutely nailed the dating game by simply giving people what they want: nearby folks who want to take the scenic route to the bone zone.

Some film stars made it and some didn't—take Buster Keaton, for example, he tried singing. People want sex and they want it now—from the moment the app is downloaded to the moment of the actual date, the number of steps is, frankly, too high.

You have to sign up, write a profile, sift through other profiles—the average millennial's attention span is about the size of the period at the end of this sentence.

If a phone sex hotline and Tinder drank and had a baby, it would come out as Revealr.

You can talk to a person, but can't see what they look like.

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