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"[When] you truly believe it can be going somewhere, this is a fair time for each of you to ask the other to deactivate or delete their profile."But don't jump the gun.

"Until such a time that things are monogamous and serious, it would not be fair for either of you to make that request," she says.

I discovered by accident he had been using a dating site, and in the last two months had been winking and flirting with women on it. And he has made me feel like I’m such an awful person. (That’s why “accident” is in quotes.) But the problem here, is once you procure information in a covert fashion it’s very difficult to do much with it.

I didn’t say anything for a couple of days because I was in shock and wanted to be calm when I discussed it with him. But then he sent me an odd text saying he loves me. Once you tell him how you discovered the information he’ll immediately shut down and feel that you violated the trust of your relationship. However, even though you “accidentally” discovered the information, now that you have it, it trumps any argument he can raise.

Plus, it'll feel more momentous if you do it together."Only after there’s been a conversation about exclusivity," relationship coach and therapist Anita Chlipala tells Bustle."It sometimes takes a while for a person to give up their profile on a dating site, as they also are removing all their messages, contacts and potential for one person," Van Hochman says."Perhaps hiding a profile is a bit devious — but if it seems that if you know the relationship is a solid one, you’d not think twice about removing it." In other words, no one should be tiptoeing around the situation.Would you like to read what other clients say about us first?Read testimonials on our Relationship Coaching/Advice site.

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