Advice on dating someone with duaghter
No child, no matter how old she is, ever wants to hear or see a parent having sex and many kids don't really want to know about it either.Yet, as a mother, you want to support your daughter and have an open and honest relationship with her.You may be single and dating or in a relationship like her.While this creates similarities, it does not make you equals.If we want to maintain the relationship with an adult child and to continue to participate in the family’s life cycle, it’s up to us to keep our heads and to model how to agree to disagree. Do not allow yourself to get defensive or angry or threatening. If nothing else, the fact that she is able to withstand your disapproval deserves some grudging respect. Let him know you wish he saw it your way but that you will do your best to embrace the person he cares so much about. If there are children in the picture, focus on them. Provide whatever emotional support you can for the difficult job of raising a child. As much as we like to think we know better, we don’t always.Being older and wiser, it’s up to us to show our kids (and their partners) how to be gracious and open-hearted once the choice is made. Romantic love is more powerful than loyalty to parents, at least in the first flush of new romance. Express your wish for your child’s future happiness and the reasons you think she or he is making a mistake. The fact that she loves the child you love puts you on the same side. The kids’ welfare is something you all have in common. Loving the little ones can lead to love, or at least respect and some like, among the adults. Sometimes it just takes time for everyone to warm up to each other.
Is your child’s choice so disappointing or contrary to how you brought them up that you can’t find a way to make peace with it? Your hope is that your disapproval will bring your child to his senses.Does all that really outweigh the fact that you think the choice is misguided? Talk, really talk about what interests her and what she is passionate about.Even when our children become adults, we are more adult than they are. There may well be positive attributes in this person that you don’t yet see. Take the time to get to know the new partner up close and personal. Find out how she understands their romance and what she sees in their future. Either your anxieties will diminish or your child will see for himself the issues that make you anxious. You may not be able, at least yet, to love the person your kid loves — but if you work at it, you can probably find something to admire. He has the right to make his own decisions and his own mistakes.For this reason, the parent-child relationship can grow to be equitable, but it will never be one of equals.As a parent, you generally will never be in the same developmental stage as your daughter.